My weight is definitely my biggest insecurity. I have so many things I hesitate about due to this. When people say, "Hey, we're having a pool party!" or "We're going to the lake/river!" or "Do you want to go to the beach?" I pretty much shudder and feel sick at my stomach, which is really, really sad because I absolutely LOVE the water. My parents have a big in-ground pool, and I learned to swim before I could walk.
I also really love clothes, but shopping can be frustrating because I have a hard time finding ladies sizes that fit in all areas, but I'm not big enough for women's sizes (so I'm definitely overweight, but not enough that I get a special store/section).
And, obviously I love to eat (or else I wouldn't have this problem), but I feel self conscious about eating a lot of the time because I think people are wondering, "Why in the world is that chub eating that (insert unhealthy and delicious food here)?"
Furthermore, I'm always afraid to say anything about my unhappiness because a lot of times the response is "Do something about it or stop complaining." Well, I wish it was that easy. Believe me, I have tried. Over the course of the last few years that I've been dealing with this I've tried weight watchers, vegetarian, restricting calories, and nutrisystem. I've also joined a gym back in January, and there for a while I was going at least 3 times a week. Through all of that, the most I ever lost in a month was like 3 lbs. Its so slow for some reason (even when I combined the diet and gym) that its not possible for me to maintain. I can kill myself on a diet and lose 3 lbs a month or eat what I want and not gain (as long as I'm going to the gym a few times a week). That makes it nearly impossible to be motivated.
AND, the biggest problem of all related to this is that I really do think I'm a clinical food addict. That's hard to admit, but I need AA for food addiction...seriously. I've read up on the topic, and if shrinks weren't so expensive I'd definitely invest in one.
Anyway...this post has turned into bitching, moaning, and rambling. Although everything I've said is true (and I swear I'm not making excuses), I'm going to go ahead and spare you from anything else on this subject (for now anyway).
Ciao
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